A good question is a key that can unlock a dialogue and bring people into spaces comfortably. A good question can also sow the seed to thinking differently and give permission to explore an issue with curiosity. Questions, if they are poorly executed or used to provoke, are like breaking the key in the lock, denying access to the problem solving parts of the brain. They can land like interrogatory spotlights that cause harm, detract from the focus of thought and can elicit defensiveness.
As a conflict resolution expert, I’ve often felt the ability to ask good questions is a superpower (like using retina scanning to gain access to a whole new world!). The science behind a good question involves several psychological and cognitive factors. This includes Cognitive Activation: which is where good questions activate higher-order thinking processes, such as analysis, synthesis, and evaluation. Or put another way, good questions often require us to elaborate on our answers, connecting new information to what we already know. This process of elaboration enhances memory consolidation and retrieval. Overall, the science behind good questions reveals their power to engage our minds, enhance learning, and facilitate meaningful interactions.
In the workplace, asking good questions can drive innovation, improve problem-solving, and enhance decision-making. Leaders and managers who ask insightful questions can inspire their teams and foster a culture of continuous improvement and learning. Good leaders need to be able to construct and choose the right questions in the moment, particularly at sensitive times. There is much written about this topic but a good resources is this HBR article about the skill of questioning being an underutilised advantage that can influence the outcome of conversations – it gives practical advice too.
Recently I was conflict coaching a leader who manages a team of diverse 18-25 year-olds. She shared that she found it difficult when her “gut” told her something was going on with a team member but when she asked a question she got little response or limited traction to ask more. This included things like, money worries, domestic issues, relationship pressures – things not directly related to work but impacting wellbeing.
We spoke about clarity of her role as a leader and not being expected to be a psychologist, social worker or confessional. But rather managing wellbeing risks and seeking understanding from a work perceptive. We got onto a roll and constructed the following types of questions she could ask. I shared them with the rest of her leadership team and hope they help you too – obviously its not an exhaustive list and the questions have to feel natural to you. Here’s some questions you can try to get someone to open up – some are more passive and others more active.
Check-in questions
- What’s the best part of your world right now?
- What’s the part that’s troubling you?
- Out of 10, how’s your week been?
- Remember my job is to ask you questions…..
Note: Avoid asking simply “are you ok?” It’s a closed question and more likely to get a “yeah fine” response. A better question might be “I’d like to know you if you are ok. I care about you. What’s going on?” The RUOK campaign website is an excellent resource and this HBR article is also worth a look.
Empathy and enquiry questions
- I can sense you may not be wanting to share more with me. I just need to know you are supported?
- Who is supporting you?
Help me understand…. - You only need to share what you are comfortable with. I’d like to appreciate how this is impacting you and your work?
- My intuition is telling me something is going on/off….
Encourage action and offer support
- How can I help? How would you like me to support you?
- Have you thought about seeing a doctor? Do you have a good GP?
- What would take the pressure off?
- What’s worked in the past when you’ve felt like this?
- If your best friend was in this position, what would you say to help them?
Anyone can ask questions. The key is to be skilled at asking the right question at the right time. How skilled are you at this? It’s a topic I love!!! So, please share your best or questions asked at the right time. Also I’d be intrigued to hear about questions you asked that did not ‘open the door’ and what you learned from this.
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